1. Monsanto (I'll get to it some day)
2. Whitney (I probably won't get to her. A friend of mine said it best when he said "In many ways, we lost Whitney a long time ago". I don't think I need to say anything else about it, really.)
3. The Susan G. Komen/Planned Parenthood Defunding Kerfluffle (this one got me WAY riled up, and I'll probably get back to it)
4. Update about experiments with lateness, dead butt, and other things
5. Chris Brown...see below
I will not be able to do this subject matter full justice, but I have to say something about it, and this blog and today are as good as any other time/place.
I won't beat around the bush: I wish the earth would swallow Chris Brown and take all his fans with him. Remember this photo? Do you remember this event?
And yet, almost as soon as news started filtering out about the story, we started seeing people apologizing for Chris Brown. To quote this (IMO excellent) article:
Carrie Underwood: “I don't think anybody actually knows what happened. I have no advice.”This was all predictable enough. Hollywood and the music industry have long been apologists for bad behavior by their own crowd. And frankly, Lindsay Lohan is an example of pretty much nothing positive. The article that I stole theses quotes from also details the backlash after the event--not toward Chris Brown though. No. People were all kinds of pissed off at anyone who spoke out against Chris Brown, not to mention the amount of energy wasted wondering what Rihanna had done to precipitate the argument, because, as some seemed to suggest, it's OK to make someone look like this if she/he has done enough to warrant it.
Lindsay Lohan: “I have no comment on that. That's not my relationship. I think they're both great people.”
Nia Long: “I know both of them well. They're young, and all we can do is pray for them at this point.”
Mary J. Blige: “They're both young and beautiful people, and that's it.”
Flash forward to this year, when we hear from the Grammy executives as they announce Chris Brown will be performing:
“We're glad to have him back,” said executive producer Ken Ehrlich. “I think people deserve a second chance, you know. If you'll note, he has not been on the Grammys for the past few years and it may have taken us a while to kind of get over the fact that we were the victim of what happened.”Bold text was my doing. I had to read that part a few times, because I could not believe what I was reading. Rihanna was violently assaulted, but the fucking Grammys were the victim? Well, we are very lucky that everyone has finally been able to move on, because we really wouldn't want the Grammys to be without him for another year.
And spare me the business about how the man has paid his debt to society. First of all, his punishment was insanely out of line with the crimes of which he was convicted. Even if that weren't the case, there is a very active debate about whether and abuser can actually be cured. There is good evidence that some abusers cannot ever be cured: the American Psychiatric Association's (APA) Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Illness (DSM IV) lists many of the disorders that are present in abusers in the same category as "intellectual disabilities" (e.g., mental retardation):
Common Axis II disorders include personality disorders: paranoid personality disorder, schizoid personality disorder, schizotypal personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder, avoidant personality disorder, dependent personality disorder, obsessive-compulsive personality disorder; and intellectual disabilities.
The takeaway from this point is that if an abuser has any of the above disorders, he or she has the same chance of being cured as someone who is mentally retarded: in short, no chance at all. This person cannot be "rehabilitated". Some would argue that depending on the disorder, the person lacks the emotional tools to feel genuine remorse about the event.
In plainer English: virtually all abusers have at least one of these personality disorders, often more than one. If so, that abuser will continue to abuse, and many of the systems designed to prevent this actually further enable an abuser to continue to victimize, because they teach him/her how to game the system. The abuser learns how to "talk the talk" of someone who has seen the light, so to speak, and in so doing, he or she is better able to convince a former partner to return to the relationship. The trouble will start soon enough once the partner returns, and often, in an escalated fashion.
Very, very few victim programs, and fewer batterer programs, recognize this pattern, unfortunately. The general populace is left to wonder, then, how someone like Rihanna could allow herself to be re-associated with the man who beat the living hell out of her. Billboard recently decried, publicly, the possibility that they are working together, let alone sleeping together. In an open letter that's getting all sorts of commentary, pro and con, Billboard basically asked Rihanna to tell Chris Brown to fuck off, if not to save herself, then to set a positive example for her fans. Another Billboard column told Chris Brown to grow the hell up and stop throwing tantrums, conveniently ignoring the fact that these tantrums are really indicative of a larger personality disorder that also allowed him to beat up his lover--and further proof that he hasn't changed his stripes, and possibly cannot.
I could write a whole separate post on the Billboard open letters. On the one hand, it's exceptionally hard to watch someone fall back into the hands of someone who has abused her, and I think the Billboard writers probably meant well. On the other hand, I have a real problem when the media steps forward to insist that they (best) know how someone should live his or her life. It's not Rihanna's job to make everyone feel comfortable with the whole event and even though she's a public figure, she doesn't owe anyone anything on who she decides to date. It's also incredibly overreaching of them to figure they have a stake in any of this, much less to send her an open chastisement of her choices. I'd rather have seen them ask Rihanna to be careful, and tell Chris Brown to fuck off themselves..
I wasn't going to write about all this, though, because other writers have done a very good job of detailing all the insanity and I didn't need to give a lowlife asshole any more attention. At least, that was the plan until I saw "25 Extremely Upsetting Reactions to Chris Brown at the Grammys". The gist of these 25 tweets, all by different women: "Chris Brown can beat me anytime".
Either these women are serious, which I cannot bring myself to believe, or they are making jokes, because when it comes to funny, nothing is more hilarious than domestic violence.
This can't be the best we can do as a society. It's appalling. I sincerely hope that none of these hilarious pranksters will ever actually be in Rihanna's situation. I can't quite believe anyone would willingly invite physical violence into their lives. Parenthetical side note: I get that there are people out there who are wired to enjoy pain as part of their sex lives--and I am neither judging that nor talking about that--consensual activity between adults is their business, not mine. The key word in that last statement is "consensual".
About a year ago, I saw Bill Burr perform. He lost me as a fan that night, because of his bit about Rihanna. Burr's point was that he's never personally hit a woman, but he was able to understand how Chris Brown could have gotten pissed off enough to do it, because women are so incredibly infuriating. How is anyone is helped by making a joke out of a violent beating? Is there really something funny here that I'm missing? How did someone look at this and think, "There's a joke there, I know there is."
The fact that we had 25 examples of women making "jokes" about Chris Brown's assault on Rihanna isn't hilarious, it isn't cute, and it's not something we should just shrug off.
And I know someone will read this all and think "wow, you are one humorless person--what's the big damn deal? A few people made some tasteless jokes, so what?"
Making jokes about things is a way that people deal with uncomfortable situations, but it's not always the right way to deal with it. Domestic violence affects virtually everyone--either because you know someone who's experienced it directly or indirectly, or because you have treated, taught, employed, or otherwise come into contact with someone who has been victimized. Maybe you have been on the receiving end. Chances are, someone reading this blog has been victimized, if the stats below are correct. And make no mistake--men can be victims of abuse as well as women.
Why Should You Care:
Videos:
Domestic violence statistics & facts
Impact of domestic violence on children
Facts
More Facts (click that link to see the website where I found these facts below):
INCIDENCE, PREVALENCE AND SEVERITY
␣ Nearly one in every four women are beaten or raped by a partner during adulthood.1
␣ 1 in 6 women and 1 in 33 men have experienced an attempted or completed rape.2
␣ Three women are killed by a current or former intimate partner each day in America, on average.3
␣ Over 22 percent of women surveyed, compared to 7.4 percent of men, reported being physically assaulted by a current or former partner in their lifetime.4
␣ Approximately 2.3 million people each year in the United States are raped and/or physically assaulted by a current or former spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend. Women who were physically assaulted by an intimate partner averaged 6.9 physical assaults per year by the same partner.5
␣ Approximately 37% of women seeking injury-related treatment in hospital emergency rooms were there because of injuries inflicted by a current or former spouse/partner.6
␣ Women are at an increased risk of harm shortly after separation from an abusive partner.7
CHILDREN AND YOUTH
␣ Approximately 15.5 million children are exposed to domestic violence every year.8
␣ Men exposed to physical abuse, sexual abuse, and adult domestic violence as children were almost 4 times more likely
than other men to have perpetrated domestic violence as adults, according to a large study.9
␣ Incest accounts for half of all sexual abuse cases.10
␣ Children that are exposed to violence are more likely to attempt suicide, abuse drugs and alcohol, run away from home, engage in teenage prostitution, and commit sexual assault crimes.11
␣ Girls and young women between the ages of 16 and 24 experience the highest rate of intimate partner violence.12
COSTS
␣ The cost of intimate partner violence annually exceeds $5.8 billion, including $4.1 billion in direct health care expenses.13
␣ Between one-quarter and one-half of domestic violence victims report that they lost a job, at least in part, due to domestic violence.14 Women who experienced domestic violence were more likely to experience spells of unemployment, have health problems, and be welfare recipients.15
␣ Domestic violence has been estimated to cost employers in the U.S. up to $13 billion each year.16 ␣ In the U.S., rape is the most costly crime to its victims, totaling $127 billion a year including medical costs, lost earnings,
pain, suffering and lost quality of life.17
␣ New research shows that intimate partner violence costs a health plan $19.3 million each year for every 100,000 women between the age of 18 and 64 enrolled.
PROGRESS FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE VICTIMS
␣ Research estimates that VAWA (The landmark Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) first authorized in 1994 has changed the way federal, tribal, state and local entities respond to domestic violence, sexual assault, dating violence and stalking) saved nearly $14.8 billion in net averted social costs in its first 6 years alone.18 ␣ More victims report domestic violence to the police: There has been a 27% to 51% increase in reporting rates by women
and a 37% increase in reporting rates by men.19
␣ The rate of non-fatal intimate partner violence against women has decreased by 63%20 and the number of women killed by an intimate partner has decreased 24%.21
␣ Staying at a shelter or working with a domestic violence advocate significantly reduces the likelihood that a victim will be abused again and improves the victim’s quality of life.22
␣ A 2008 study shows conclusively that the nation’s domestic violence shelters are addressing both urgent and long-term needs of victims of violence, and are helping them protect themselves and their children.23
OVERWHELMING NEEDS REMAIN
␣ In 2008, a 24-hour survey of domestic violence programs across the nation found that over 60,000 victims were served in one day. Unfortunately, due to a lack of resources, there were almost 9,000 unmet requests for services.24
␣ In 2008 the National Domestic Violence Hotline received 236,907 calls, but over 29,000 of those calls went unanswered due to lack of resources.
How can you help? Good question. Go here and find a way to get involved. Or go here, if you know someone who is facing abuse and needs support. And when someone makes a joke out of domestic violence, find the courage to speak up and let them know that when it comes to domestic violence, you're not amused.
